The Joy of Sex
I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?
At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot
Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?
The Battle of the Sexes
Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner
My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions
He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster
(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back)
Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys
Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight
Parenting Pearls of Wisdom
I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!
We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic
Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)
Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase
You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up
The Joy of Aging
(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree
I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes
I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax
I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason
Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Feeling Stressed?
I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke
Out of My Mind. Back in Five Minutes
My Reality Check Just Bounced
Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues
Dangerously Under-Medicated
Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change
No Pain, No Gain
Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate
Physically Pffffft!
It's One of Those Days
Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue
Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe
Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It
Travel Fun
Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car
Hang Up and Drive
I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?
Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years
Good Advice
Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated
Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon
Ego-Boosters
I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are
Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral
If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments
Pets Rule
It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans
Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture
A Dog's Parents Never Visit
What's Your IQ?
Suppose You Were an Idiot...And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress...But I Repeat Myself
My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone
God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many
I Have a Short Attention...
Making It Big In This World
I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself
I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf
I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here
Bless Me, Father
Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh
Retirement
Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money
Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid
Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today
My Back Goes Out More Than I Do
Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It
I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?
At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot
Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?
The Battle of the Sexes
Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner
My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions
He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster
(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back)
Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys
Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight
Parenting Pearls of Wisdom
I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!
We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic
Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)
Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase
You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up
The Joy of Aging
(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree
I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes
I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax
I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason
Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Feeling Stressed?
I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke
Out of My Mind. Back in Five Minutes
My Reality Check Just Bounced
Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues
Dangerously Under-Medicated
Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change
No Pain, No Gain
Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate
Physically Pffffft!
It's One of Those Days
Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue
Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe
Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It
Travel Fun
Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car
Hang Up and Drive
I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?
Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years
Good Advice
Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated
Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon
Ego-Boosters
I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are
Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral
If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments
Pets Rule
It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans
Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture
A Dog's Parents Never Visit
What's Your IQ?
Suppose You Were an Idiot...And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress...But I Repeat Myself
My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone
God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many
I Have a Short Attention...
Making It Big In This World
I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself
I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf
I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here
Bless Me, Father
Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh
Retirement
Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money
Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid
Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today
My Back Goes Out More Than I Do
Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It
