Well, I got the "not-so-smart antenna" tonight and spent a couple of hours playing around with different locations and positions. Indoors, outdoors, up-side-down... As navychop and Jim5506 anticipated, this thing is pretty much useless in my set-up. It's reception was worse than my little indoor model, so back to Sam's it goes.
I should've taken your original advice and tried the CM3010, navychop

Lesson learned, I'll be looking to pick one of these up. On a more positive note, at least now I have an additional RG6 run to the outside of my apartment
Many thanks for your valiant attempts to talk sense into me!