Really stressed out,

[Van]

My daughter.....gotta love her but she has really been turning into a total monster lately. She is a month shy of three and has become a constant crying and whining monster these last few weeks and constantly wants our atention to where we cant get anything done and have no time for our selves. If I sit down at the computer Im lucky to get 3 minutes in before she is at my side wanting me to come into her room just to stand there while she figures out what she wants to do. It doesnt matter if the lights on or not ( afraid of the dark and afraid of her room if she is in it alone ) and even if the window blinds are open and the sun is shining full in. If she isnt getting our atention constantly lately then she is whining and crying and has now started having meltdowns on a daily if not hourly basis. Im thinking that it may have to do with the fact that from august to november she and her mother were staying with my uncle and aunt and three cousins and the family was almost always there with one or more of the family there and now its just the three of us.

To be totaly frank it has become very hard for us, mostly me as I am the only one working and able to work, my wife is not happy with where we live, and we have no one here to help us with even a few hours of rest. Its gotten bad enough and understand that even though it has gotten worse with our daughter over the last few weeks it has been bad since late november when we moved down. With all of this and my wife herself on the verge of a nervous break down I am now considering moving us back to Michigan and getting a job even if its meanial labour so long as we are close enough to my uncles family so that my daughter will be happy and my wife will be able to breathe again.

 

[PowerMax]

Let her cry ... it is not like you can give into your kids when they cry and whine. Babies learn what works and they learn it early. They are 100 times SMARTER than you and I and they know how to get what they want. My son was the same until her realized that he could not produce 110W per channel. My system blew him off the bawling in about 9 days.

Just take a short walk and a deep breath and let the wife do the same.

 

[SatelliteGAL]

Does she or can she go to preschool ? Structure and rules are your only hope. Both of you have to be consistent. Set aside a special time or times for her. Times that will fit into your schedules. Teach her how to tell when that time is and let her pick something to do from a jar or a hat. You and your wife choose the things to do with her together or alone and put them in the jar. She only gets to do the special time IF she doesnt whine. At this point you will have to remind her NOT to whine because she is making it a habit. Its only a small suggestion but you get the picture. Reward for the good behavior instead of giving in to the bad. Im sure she has lots of things to play with and keep her busy for stretches of time.

 

[Scott Greczkowski]

My 4 year old drives me nuts sometimes, hes going to be a bruiser, he beats up on his 13 year old brother all the time.

I have found that when he is being really bad and he wont listen sometimes you just sit back and watch and try to remember when you were a kid his (or in your case her) age then things don't seem so bad. In fact I have joined my son a few times in helping him make a mess which was great fun (and he helped me clean after we were done!)

 

[SatelliteGAL]

lol I cant do that because I was the "perfect" child hehe

 

[Van]

Hahaha, I have tried a few things lately such as putting on nanny 911 and letting her watch to see how the other kids act and when she looks at me I tell her thats how she is acting. Yesterday when we were at wally world shopping and she had a meltdown I put her infront of one of the dressing room mirrors and said thats how you look and everyone is watching you, I have even got down on the floor and done the same thing and it shut her up for a min or so when she saw me do it.

For some reason she is deathly afraid of being alone in her room even with the door open, its bad enough that she doesnt even sleep in her own room and really its a nice looking room considering our limited budget. She is also afraid of the dark and something new that has popped up recently and totaly unrelated is an instant tears and crying when ever the ceiling fan is turned on. After this was posted my wife had a moment of clarity and has calmed down considerably so now hopefully things will start to change a bit.

We have been rewarding her with treats for using her potty since we moved her up to big girl panties but I hadnt thought of trying rewards for good behaviour so we will do that. For the last few days we have been adjusting our time to spend more with her and as a family, my wife and I have both been dealing with our own depressions for a while and it to has hit a bumpier section of the road. My wifes is mostly that were we live though its peaceful there are no sidewalks for her to use and she worries about money. Mine is simply my daughters wellbeing and being able to take care of my family on an income thats %60 less than what I had a year ago.

 

[Van]

lol I cant do that because I was the "perfect" child hehe

hahaha, somehow I get that impression from when we have talked a few times.

 

[SatinKzo]

Hey van. I can empathize with ya. The 3 year old stage is killing me mentally some days. Everyones advice here is solid as it comes from those who experienced it.

Rewarding good behavior and ignoring the bad, but not tolerating it is working for my wife and I. We reward our oldest with and extra dora episode or a special desert if she was good and didn't whine or throw a tantrum.
When she starts to whine we have to remind ourselves first to consider if we are part of the cause. By this I mean, did we screw up her daily schedule that she is used to (did we keep her out later than normal, do something through her nap time? is she sick?) Not saying we allow it to continue, but it helps use remember it's a 2 way street at times. We do little timeouts on the couch with no toys, we make her sit, not laydown. We do it for about 5 minutes at a time (eternity to a kid) and remind her what she did and have her repeat it sometimes to us and then remind her not to do it and give her a big hug etc, remind her we still love her.

I have no advice for the dark thing other than ours went through once so far (probably again when she gets older) and nothing we did helped other than just comforting her. yeah, we got lazy at times and she slept in our bed with us some nights, but eventually (not sure on time) she got over it.

Now sharing her toys with her 9 month old, very curious and mobile sister is another story.

 

[Paul Wozniak]

Man I'm in trouble, my boy turns 2 next month and is already more than my wife and I can handle. Now you people tell me it will only get worse. This one is our 5th, none of the others were even close to being as bad as this one.

 

[jlhugh]

When they were at the other house did she sleep in a room with other people every night? She might be use to having people in that room all the time.

 

[Van]

Hey van. I can empathize with ya. The 3 year old stage is killing me mentally some days. Everyones advice here is solid as it comes from those who experienced it.

Rewarding good behavior and ignoring the bad, but not tolerating it is working for my wife and I. We reward our oldest with and extra dora episode or a special desert if she was good and didn't whine or throw a tantrum.
When she starts to whine we have to remind ourselves first to consider if we are part of the cause. By this I mean, did we screw up her daily schedule that she is used to (did we keep her out later than normal, do something through her nap time? is she sick?) Not saying we allow it to continue, but it helps use remember it's a 2 way street at times. We do little timeouts on the couch with no toys, we make her sit, not laydown. We do it for about 5 minutes at a time (eternity to a kid) and remind her what she did and have her repeat it sometimes to us and then remind her not to do it and give her a big hug etc, remind her we still love her.

I have no advice for the dark thing other than ours went through once so far (probably again when she gets older) and nothing we did helped other than just comforting her. yeah, we got lazy at times and she slept in our bed with us some nights, but eventually (not sure on time) she got over it.

Now sharing her toys with her 9 month old, very curious and mobile sister is another story.

Yes definitely alot of good advice from everyone along with yours.

Man I'm in trouble, my boy turns 2 next month and is already more than my wife and I can handle. Now you people tell me it will only get worse. This one is our 5th, none of the others were even close to being as bad as this one.

hahaha, guess you lucked out eh?

When they were at the other house did she sleep in a room with other people every night? She might be use to having people in that room all the time.

Only with my wife and she was on her in her own wich was a step forward as she had been sharing ours before that.

Lastnight she wanted to sleep in her own bed again but it had to be in our room wich was fine, she went the whole night in her own bed and then today she went in and put herself down for a nap wich is as rare as a five minute visit to the dmv during lunch.

 

[SatelliteGAL]

Lastnight she wanted to sleep in her own bed again but it had to be in our room wich was fine, she went the whole night in her own bed and then today she went in and put herself down for a nap wich is as rare as a five minute visit to the dmv during lunch.

That's great! I hope you made sure she knew how happy you were with her for doing it. It may not be her own room but its progress. Baby steps!

 

[Van]

That's great! I hope you made sure she knew how happy you were with her for doing it. It may not be her own room but its progress. Baby steps!

Yep we told her we were so happy and we clapped wich she loves, then lastnight we had to work with her to stick to it but she finally got in her bed again and slept the whole night in it again. My wife has spent the last two days totaly indulging her time and it has helped calm her down alot but she is still overly needy so this week we are going to work on getting her to understand that she cant have our atention all of the time.

 

[Van]

To update:

Things had gotten better, she is still a terror though when you tell her no and this hasnt been resolved yet. Like any other typical kid she lost interest in the new cat we adopted a week ago and is now back to the watching any disney dvd movie for five minutes and then onto another one.

We got lucky today and were out for about eight hours with only a few minor issues but as soon as we got to the video store she decided that she had to be her own boss and when we got home she got into a cow birthing over being told she couldnt have her princess shoes to wear as it is late so now she is in bed and the wife is torqued and not watching the rented movie she wanted to watch.

 

[KE4EST]

I agree ignore the tantrums to a point. I have went through this with 5 kids. The girls are the worst, with dads anyway cause you hate so see your baby girl cry, but it teaches them hey Daddy is the Boss not you. But also show love don't tottlay ignore. Just enough to let her know, that you are the parent. It will work I bettcha, but you and you wife both have to do it. I went through that with my first daughter with my wife saying I can't take I have to baby her. I said no, she would get mad at me but after about 3- 6 days she was thanking me.