It says it's not authorized, but I saw it somewhere in the info section on the box.
Apparently, my problem is that Cinema is not added on my account. And directv apparently doesn't have the ability to add it, because, and I didn't know this, I get my DTV through like, a sub-service contractor, or something.
The tech tried everything he could, but no dice. He said he could send me a cinema connect kit, but that it would only connect the box to the Internet, but not give me the features. He also told me, which I didn't know, that I can only use the iPad TV app (like, watch TV on it) with the wireless kit, and there's no way to do it with the box being connected to just Ethernet.
So, I guess I'm just SOL.