Redneck joke of the day
- Thread starter Ramy
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Unfortunately I get nailed by poison almost everything I cut the grass. Still have some above my ankles from last time.
Unfortunately I get nailed by poison almost everything I cut the grass. Still have some above my ankles from last time.
Yeah, I didn't find today's very funny. I don't think I am allergic to it, just wasn't funny.
[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]You might be a redneck if...
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.[/FONT]
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.[/FONT]
That is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!
A man and woman from Alabama gets married. They go on their honeymoon, the wife tells the husband to be careful she is a virgin. The man gets mad, gets in his car and goes home leaving her there. The father of the husband asks his son "Why are you home son"? The husband replies "Dad she's a virgin and I left her there". The father says "Son you did the right thing, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours".
A man and woman from Alabama gets married. They go on their honeymoon, the wife tells the husband to be careful she is a virgin. The man gets mad, gets in his car and goes home leaving her there. The father of the husband asks his son "Why are you home son"? The husband replies "Dad she's a virgin and I left her there". The father says "Son you did the right thing, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours".
HOLY ^&%$#!!!!! :haha:haha:haha:haha:yikes:yikes
Friday 24th of July:
You Might be a Redneck if.......You've come back from the dump with more than you took.
This one just doesn't sound right if you aren't thinking of the garbage dump.
Saturday/Sunday 25th/26th of July:
You Might be a Redneck if.......You've overdosed on Girl Scout cookies.
You Might be a Redneck if.......You've come back from the dump with more than you took.
This one just doesn't sound right if you aren't thinking of the garbage dump.
Saturday/Sunday 25th/26th of July:
You Might be a Redneck if.......You've overdosed on Girl Scout cookies.
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blond.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blond.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
Ghost Hick
A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
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